I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it because I queefed?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
