Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
