i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
