You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
