You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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