I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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