i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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