They should really pass out barf bags in church
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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