we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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