talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
