His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize