You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You ruined the universe
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
