The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
