you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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