I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize