sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
