I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
