i think i have two assholes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
