He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
