Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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