We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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