Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
