Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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