That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
