I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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