i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
