what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
