I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
