tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm having to shit out rocks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
