are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
