I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
