I'm really into asian looking animals
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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