i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
