I'm jealous of your bromance
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
