Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
