im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love you.
Bad choice
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