you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
