we have pet lesbian snakes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
