maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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