I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
