Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
