be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize