just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize