Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
