can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
