yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize