just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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