i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
