Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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