He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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