So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
