wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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