Where is the hickey?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
