I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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