Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
