I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Actions speak louder than pants.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize