They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
