How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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