I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
