He disabled his match.com account in front of me
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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