my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize