you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
