How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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