the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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