I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize