3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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