come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
