I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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