Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
