I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
