Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
