Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
