If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
