**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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