I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
