someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
