does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
