I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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