The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
