when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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