Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
